is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
