Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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