Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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