I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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