The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
