Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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