Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
