He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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