I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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