I'm gonna have a badass scar
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
