I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
it hurts more in the daytime
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
