wat bout pragnant strippers??
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
