i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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