Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
