my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
