I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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