I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
