Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
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She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So. Much. Porn.
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