I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
