May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
