my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
