you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
