living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
