call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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