Kiss
Puke
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
