I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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