I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
