VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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