I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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