Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
