Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
zippers are such a cool invention
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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