make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You ruined the universe
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
