i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
