Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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