kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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