You did not just play the dead husband card again.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
