If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
