Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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