I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
