Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
