Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
