Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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