dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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