New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
