he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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