you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
