so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
