sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
