She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just cut my nipple shaving
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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