Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
