I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
