My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
