everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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