we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
