Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
