I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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