I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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