could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
