So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
