I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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