The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
