Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
