We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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