I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
