you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
