before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
